A guide on how to “boda-boda” in Uganda.

 

(I see some of you condescending snobs already have a sneer. After only reading the tittle, Mmmhhhh, I roll my eyes.)

Whatssssupp beautiful people, I hope you are all awesome. Today will be slightly different. I am not whining about life. So let us get into it.

If you have lived in East Africa or Uganda to be exact, you know we use bodabodas as one of the means of transport. And for the benefit of those that may not know or claim not to, Bodabodas are bicycles or motorcycles. In this specific context, motorcycle taxis. Keyword being “Taxi & motorcycle.” Confused? Yeah, not my problem, Keep up! 

Before I contuuunnnn, I am inclined to say that it does not matter who you are, or what you do. If you are in this country, you have jumped onto a bodaboda. Hell even Sudhir Ruparelia has been spotted on a bodaboda. And yes, I put his name in bold because the wealth of all my clansmen combined will not measure up to Sudhir (not Byaruhanga) but Ruparelia’s. This should fairly put your mind at ease and reassure you that we ALLLLL have used these two cycled machines. They get you places faster, especially on days when the traffic is heavy or when you are in a rush. I mean, even Elly Wamala sang that song.
And this is how it works…….

1)    Most at times, the Bodaboda will come to you. And I digress abit, please, do not be blonde, this is Uganda that we are talking about, the bodabodas are not robots, they always have a rider, who we usually call, the bodaboda “driver.” This person in-most cases comes to you: because I am assuming you are either standing by the road side or walking on the road and not in your house. When this happens, the rider will shout a loud “sister/uncle/ blaza/maama/boss/aanti, ogenda?” Need I say, you do not need to take offence about whatever name or tittle he chooses to use while calling you. If He calls you madam “speaker,” then you are madam speaker until the ride is done. Do not fight!
 
2)      Or if you need one, you will stop or signal a bodaboda usually by a nod of the head for the rider that you think you want. (I know people who do not go for any bodaboda whose “driver” isn’t wearing closed shoes) So they come to where you are. Pray that He took a shower.
 
3)      They greet you, or You greet the fellow, I mean, He literally has your life in his hands after you hop onto his motorcycle so the least you can do is greet. But in any case, how do you not greet people in this country?! As in who grew you?! Heniways.
4)      After the pleasantries, you tell the ninja where you are going. People! it does not matter where it is you are going, or whether he knows where the place is, it could be the ends of the earth he will take you.
 
5)      This next step is of utmost importance. You Bargain until it doesn’t make sense anymore. When this happens, just know both of you have a fair deal. This does not apply to you if you are in a hurry. You cannot waste more time bargaining.
 
6)      It is a must to have loose money. Or you will give Him a note and you will spend forever waiting for your change.
 
7)      Contact your non-existent lawyer if you need to make a few amendments to your non-existent will and then you can sit. Preferably with a leg on each side unless you are female and are in one of those skirts or dresses.
 
8)      And as soon as the ride starts,

• Take care of your knees and legs and thighs and wig
• Take care of your phone
• Take care of your handbag or wallet- because these could fall off you or get snatched from you
• Take care of the front of your head and everything there plastered-small small sudden breaking and you have a swollen lip from knocking your head on the back of the rider’s dusty sweaty head or his helmet.
• Take care of your eyes-if you do not have a helmet (speaking to the majority) wear your shades or you will get to your destination looking like you took a drug overdose. 
• Take care of your feet -or you may get scratched on pavements.

 
9)      The rider will most definitely squeeze, you, himself and the motorbike in some really tinny spaces, between cars, on walk ways, pavements, or even get in the opposite lane, so be alert plus you never know when you need to jump off the thing (in which case you may break a bone or two) point is, just be steady.
10)  And when you get to your destination, pay the ninja as you silently say a little thank you to God.
 

PS: 

• And for God’s sake use a commuter if you are really dressed up for a function like a wedding. Dust and bodaboda anxiety is not good for you before an event. Or an uber or borrowing from Marie Antoinette buy a car!
• Be very careful as you get one of these in the night, you could land a rider who is a  thief.