Here is why I went MIA.

 I have/had abandoned on here.

A couple of good people constantly asked why I haven’t published something in a while. Honestly this stung. Every time someone asked, there was this little nagging voice reminding me about all the things I plan to do but never get to actually do them. 

Those that asked know I always assured them that something was coming up soon. (I was lying, clearly it has been months)

But I can explain. 

Something we all say when we know the explanation, we are about to give may not be satisfactory to whoever we are giving it to.

I feel like I am losing focus.

Moving on...

When I decided to write on here, I needed to write about “everything and nothing” that came to mind. (Or so I thought.) To share my life experiences as vividly and as raw as possible.

However, half of my life right now revolves around work. Most of my time is spent at work in a place far away from home, friends or family with nothing much going on for me there besides work. I move to my house where I eat the simplest thing I can whip up, watch a movie, text with a few friends and family, shower and sleep.

Let me explain it this way, say you do fishing professionally, and its fishing season. You get onto the boat, go to sea and catch fish for months till the season is done. The only things you see is your boat, the guys you went to catch fish with and lots of water.

If you still don’t get it, then I don’t know what to do. Just call me. 

So to me, it seemed like there was nothing for me to write about that is worthy publishing.

I am not saying that nothing was going on for me this whole time. I am saying that there was nothing I strongly felt that I should write about.

I also found it difficult writing about issues related to life at work. Some days were good, some bad, some really slow and boring, some soooo tiring, I have cried during some and enjoyed some. If I were to give unedited raw details of each, I would probably get an email with a memo attached from HR summoning me for a disciplinary hearing 😅

I still need my job guys.

This paragraph is obviously a mistake. I was kidding guys. In fact, let us cut it all out.

But seriously, we all know how work is.

The real story though is that I did not feel like writing. Period.

I do not know about you, but I know you need to be in certain “mood” to do some things. I simply wasn’t in the “mood” I wasn’t “feeling like it.

Reminds me, I paid this friend of mine in January of 2019 to make me a painting that he agreed would be delivered after 3 weeks. It is August people! I still don’t have the painting. Infuriating!! Right. I was getting impatient and furious when 5 months past and I was not getting the feedback I needed from him. Up until 3 weeks back when I insisted, He tells me what is going on. Because I had lost it. Ages ago. This time he was very honest. “Doreen, I just cannot paint. It’s not that I am too busy, or sick or anything. It’s just that I do not feel like painting.

When he said this, I could relate. And I totally understood what it was he was talking about.

 (Note: Even though my patience ran out a long time ago, I am less angry at Him now) 

That feeling you just cannot seem to describe. When the things you love to do are not as pleasing for you anymore. Nothing is. 

You are not sick, or particularly sad, or happy. You do not have [so] many debts burdening you, no one is blackmailing you, your dog is still alive, you are eating well etc.

You are just there. Living. Eating. Walking. Doing all the monotonous things you are supposed to do, and that is just it. 

You know nothing is wrong but for some reason you do not feel like you are putting on your "A game." 

Some of my friends have often mentioned going through something similar. “ I do not know what is wrong but I do not feel happy.”

I write about it now because I finally figured out what was not going my way. I feel way  better and happier now. Not that it passed, and I understand that the situation did not have to go my way. Things do not always go as planned and exactly as we hoped.

So I am coping. 

Writing about it now makes me realize how close to depression we are. Or maybe I just watched episode 19 of Grownish Season 2. 

Point is, we may sometimes feel lonely, “not happy,” sad, glum, we may hold onto our negative feelings or take them for granted ignoring the fact that in the long run, it may be dangerous and may spiral for the worst into a serious mental health condition.

You’ve probably felt a little “not in the mood.” If you figured out what it was, just like I did, well and good. But if you feel this, and it does not go away, please talk to someone and find help.

And Finally,

Mind your mental health.

PS: I am having a hard time finding shoes that I like here. Hopeless just. I recently was chosen to be a bridesmaid at a niece’s wedding and every other lady on the entourage got a shoe that fit. Except for yours truly. SOS. The PS is totally irrelevant but hey, I get to write whatever I want so yeah...''

And Finally, let us see how this (below) works out.

Looking for a Yoga mat???